Coping with work when life is wearing you down
The heaviness of being utterly worn out. We’ve all been there, we’re there right now, or we’ll be there again. As Hemingway wrote, “the world breaks everyone.” Being human means that we’ll know loss and struggle, that there’ll be times when life goes along with ease and times when it’s all we can do to slowly inch our way through the muck. Of course, our highly sensitive natures can be especially impacted when we’re consumed with struggle.
For me, there’ve been times when I’ve been wrapped in depression, days and weeks and months of anxiety, struggles in family relationships, painful ending of friendships, deep grief with the deaths of my aunt and then a close family friend. We all have our stories.
Right now, so many sensitive therapists are feeling our own feelings about the chaos, upset, losses to human rights, and uncertainty in our country’s political climate. Simultaneously, we’re holding space to support our clients in all the ways they’re struggling - whether that’s fears of ICE, worries about the economy, anger about the many losses for DEI or LGBTQ+ rights or women’s rights, or concern about the very state of our democracy - it’s A LOT. Plus, when clients’ current fears and stressors mirror our own, this is especially tough to cope with.
As psychotherapists, we’re trained in compartmentalization. We can be pretty skilled at staying client-centered, ignoring our needs in order to be present with a client, processing and consulting about our countertransference, leaving work at work at the end of the day. Depending on when we went to grad school, we might’ve also been taught the “blank slate” mentality.
The problem is that all this focus and compartmentalization takes a lot of effort normally. Then, it takes tremendous effort, energy, and emotion to manage when we already feel exhausted and worn down by life.
Plus, as highly sensitive therapists, we don’t usually have the same capacity as other colleagues. Even in good times, we need to see fewer clients, take more breaks, and work fewer hours to not burn out.
And, this is totally okay! It really is. (Stay tuned - I’ve got some articles about sensitivity shame in the works.)
Please know - We are not flawed or “less than.” We are simply sensitive people who are therapists.
If you’re anything like me, the next question is - but what do we do about it? How do we take care of our sensitive selves when we’re in deep pain? (Disclaimer: these tips are about caring for ourselves on an individual level and don’t go into coping with political chaos.)
If possible and if it seems helpful, take time off from work. Having time when I am not responsible for clients gives me a much needed emotional and mental break. Creating space to sleep more, cry, slow down, maybe journal, maybe meditate, maybe talk about it, definitely binge-watch (thanks distraction!) helps me cope. But, if you’re a parent or a caregiver, time away from work may not create this space. And, you may not be able to take nearly enough time off to cope with what’s happening, or you may not be able to take time off because of finances or limited time accrued. Consider what’s doable for you.
Accept this season. Remember, accepting does not mean that you have to like it or agree with it. This is just about acknowledging reality. We all go through ups and downs. Seasons come and go - they’re not permanent, even when there’s a blackberry winter. Acceptance means allowing that you are not able to be your best self right now. This is okay. It’s normal. Write shorter progress notes. Allow that it may take you longer to return a call or that you need to return it via an email or text. Dinner may be takeout again. Accept that you’ll do what you can, and this won’t last forever.
Move slowly. We can incorporate this idea into whatever we are doing. Walk slower than you normally do. Allow for a couple minutes to transition - sit in your car and listen to a song before entering your house. Close your eyes and take a breath before changing tasks. Do some gentle stretching, maybe take an easygoing walk. You do NOT have to keep up your usual pace.
Allow for rest. Try to build in more time to sleep. As sensitive souls, we tend to need more sleep anyway, and I find this to be especially true when I’m struggling. Allow yourself to take a nap in your office, close your eyes for a few minutes in-between sessions. Close the door and lay on your bed for 10 minutes doing nothing. Don’t take in information. Even the act of not watching, reading, or listening to something can offer rest. Look for the micro-moments in your day where you can add in rest.
The rest of that line from Farewell to Arms is “and afterward many are strong at the broken places.”
Don’t we bare witness to this phenomenon so often in our therapy rooms? We sit with our clients through the pain and the struggle and the muck and the darkness, often for much longer than anyone would ever choose to be there, surrounded by uncertainty of where the path even is, and slowly . . .
slowly . . ., there are some shifts.
A little light here, the ground becomes a bit more firm there.
Over time, people move through the storm and emerge with more strength and resources than they had before.
We’ve seen it. We know this is true. But, we often forget to give ourselves the same care and compassion we share with our clients.
It’s okay for us to be in the thick of it . . . because we’re human. It will happen.
My invitation - the next time you find yourself deep in the muck (including if it’s right now), ask what would it look like for you to show up for yourself the same way you show up for your clients?
You deserve it.
Warmly,
Ivy
