Part 2 - Coping with work when life is wearing you down
I keep thinking how complicated it is to carry on with life when we’re feeling utterly worn down. It’s such a messy and confusing struggle, so let’s keep this convo going.
(Also, here’s a heads up that I love a well-placed curse word, so there will be a few forthcoming.)
Can we start by acknowledging how fuckin’ overwhelming it is to be exhausted, burned out, worn down AND still have to cope with work? Even prior to this political nightmare right now, I get really angry at capitalism and how it treats people. Pissed off, in fact. It pushes us to work harder, do more, make money, never stop, go-go-go. It also provides really shitty safety nets. How different would life be if it were easier for everyone to say - I need a break - and take a week, 2 weeks, or a month off from work to rest and heal?
For so many people, the luxury of that much time off is an impossibility. If you’re in private practice, you may have more flexibility with time off, or you may not. I know I have been guilty of recreating the same see-too-many-clients/work-too-many-hours/make-too-little-money cycle in my practice as I experienced in community mental health jobs.
As sensitive therapists, we often have plenty of our own developmental trauma. That may be what got us into this field in the first place. Plus, we carry traumas from being sensitive in a culture that does not value or understand sensitivity. And, we experience plenty of secondary trauma from dysfunctional workplaces and even our educational institutions.
So, no judgment if time off isn’t a reality for you right now. But please remember that the little things can help a bit.
Ask yourself -
What helps me feel a little bit better when I’m exhausted?
What self-soothing strategies are my go-tos?
Let’s throw in a dose of Motivational Interviewing and also ask -
On a scale of 1-10, how emotionally exhausted am I (10 = I can barely get out of bed)?
What can help me decrease my rating by half a point or a quarter of a point?
When I’m feeling truly awful, sometimes distraction is my main way through. I need to get out of my head and check out. I lean into my love of stories via an audiobook, a paperback, or a drama I can binge, or I sleep.
Of course, there’s no one way to carry on in the face of such heavy emotional pain.
There’s simply being human and being sensitive and finding our ways to continue, even if we have to take it moment by moment.
Ok, let me hold this session.
And now this session.
Now write a note, maybe a few sentences or a checklist. Returning that voicemail has to wait until tomorrow.
Oh, finally, time to go home and crash.
Sometimes it’s about getting through, waiting it out. As we so often tell clients, this too shall pass.
We know it’s true, and I do find perspective-taking helpful, but it can also irritate me.
Does it ever piss you off to tell yourself the same thing you say to a client? Me too!! My adolescent self can kick in real strong with an, I knooooow, but I fucking hate it and it sucks and I want it to stop now!
It can be super annoying to be a therapist.
And, honestly, today I'm not feeling it. I'm drained and depressed and don't want to do much of anything.
But, I'm trying to put one foot in front of the other. Take a breath, and then do the next thing until I can rest.
So, rather than ending with an answer, please just know that you’re not alone.
It sucks to be in the mess, in the pain. As sensitive therapists, we really, really get this because we live it too.
I send you my heartfelt knowing.
So many warm wishes,
